Can't get it up
by Eternally a Weeping Sunflower
Summary: Plot twist: Francis is impotent. His cure? Arthur! Warnings: Smut in later chapter(s?), Language, OOC'ness, and human names used. Don't like? Don't read! Feedback is always welcomed. MATURE READERS, PLEASE! DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Hetalia!** ((Complete! ;D))
1. Chapter 1

**WARNINGS: Gay smut, language, Human and country names used and OOC'ness. Reviews and feedback always welcomed.**

**Pairing: Fruk.**

**Side pairings: Spamano & Amecan. **

**XxX**

_"...Francis? What's taking you so long? Put it in!" the prostitute complained with impatience, her tan, toned legs were spread wide open, long tracks of black hair sprawled out on the cream-colored comforter. Francis chuckled nervously and gave a quick look of distress to her then glared back down at his lifeless penis; what the hell?_

_"J-just a minute, cher..." He heard a loud huff of annoyance and the shuffling of fabric, Francis quickly shot his head up and looked behind him, he jumped when he saw that she was now hanging over his shoulder, her hair touching his back making him shift uncomfortably at her nosey stare. He winced as her amber eyes got wide, full of shock and disappointment, she shook her head, jet black locks smacking Francis' face in the process and hopped off the bed, heading for her 'clothes' on the floor of the room in a dark corner, if you could even call a tight leather mini skirt that stopped mid-thigh and a too-small matching bikini top 'clothing'._

_"That's a damn shame Francis..you were one of my favorite customers too..oh well. You should really go get that fixed that or checked out." Francis could see that she was trying her hardest to hide the amused smirk threatening to take over her now fake, 'look of concern'. _

_"Mon dieu...I can't get it up.." _

**xXx**

Antonio was the only one at the bar with a frown and expression of concern on his face whilst Gilbert and Lovino were 'coughing up a lung' from laughing so much. Francis glared holes at Lovino and Gilbert then sighed, putting his head in his pale, trembling hands. He felt a rough hand on his shoulder, ruffling the blue fabric of his navy blue polo, rubbing circles on it as some sign of comfort.

"Y-you mea-nn to tell me th-that..YOU! FRANCIS BONNEFOY C-CAN'T GET IT U-U-UP?!" Francis rolled his blue irises and groaned before banging his head on the beechwood bar counter a few times; Gilbert was such an asshole. Lovino was laughing so hard his face was truly 'like a tomato', he fell out of the plastic orange bar stool and on the dusty wooden-planked floor with Gilbert, holding his now aching stomach from continuous laughter.

"Lovi...Gil..stop that, this is really serious and you're making this embarrassing for Francis...show some support, comprende?" Antonio said in a serious tone, wagging a finger at the two in a scolding manner. Lovino was the only one that stopped laughing almost immediately, he brushed the dust and wrinkles out of his gray skinny jeans as he got off the dirty floor and walked over to Francis, putting a small hand on Francis' other unoccupied shoulder. Francis, surprised by Lovino's actions, cautiously looked up at him with a confused expression waiting for him to say something insulting.

"It's alright, Francis..." Gilbert stopped laughing right after he said that with a grimace and muttered something about 'Being unawesome'. Lovino lazily waved a hand at Gilbert as if telling him to shut the hell up, then continued. "I..I guess this is natures way of saying.." Francis immediately dropped his hopeful expression and ordered another glass of red wine once he saw Lovino attempting to hide his cracked smirk, his cheeks now in bubble to keep him from laughing on mistake, Francis was now completely ignoring him before he could continue.

"_'N-NO HARD FEELINGS!_'" He finished, then he let it all go, falling to the ground again next to Gilbert cackling loudly with tears in his brown eyes, Gilbert right at his side choking on his beer from laughter, some of it spewing from his nostrils. A few passerby and other customers glared at the two for being so loud and scooted as far away as possible from the noise, muttering insults under their breath to their friends about being unruly and having no manners or home training. "I think they're drunk." Francis confirmed with a scowl, downing another glass of wine without the blink of an eye, Antonio slowly nodded his head in agreement with Francis and shook his head at the two idiots still chortling on the beer covered floor. "Just ignore them amigo, tell me what's going on." Antonio said with a kind, understanding smile, he was all ears and Francis was glad he had at least one friend that wasn't a _complete _jerk; then he let all of his frustrations out.

"I-I don't know what's wrong with me! I mean...mon dieu I've tried everything, Toni! I tried jerking off to porn, going to a strip club and getting a sexy strip tease from one of the lovely women at the strip club downtown, and even the brothel; and it just sits there! Help me, Antonio! I miss having a good fuck, I don't want to end up like Angleterre with a stick up his ass refusing sex all the time!" Francis pulled at his messy blonde locks, for he hadn't brushed them in days out of distress and far too much worry over the situation. Gilbert stopped laughing and kicked Lovino's rib lightly to get his attention, he glared at Gilbert then smiled as Gilbert whispered something in a hushed tone into his ear, then nodded when he was done stating his 'idea'. "Yo, Franny! Why not try being like Arthur and try shoving a stick up your ass, who knows? It might get the Eiffel Tower up and going again!"

"AHAHAHAHAAA!" Lovino cried, hyperventilating a little and still holding on to his stomach in pain, along with Gilbert again; those two really needed to stop before they passed out, Antonio had enough.

"HEY, I SAID CUT IT OUT!" Antonio roared, slamming his mug down causing some of his drink to spill it contents onto the bar and floor a little, splashing Lovino in the face lightly. Gilbert stopped laughing then looked down with a guilty look on his face, quietly apologizing to Francis then going back to sit on the uncomfortable orange stool again. Lovino, still sitting on the ground glared at Antonio and crossed his arms at him, "Hey, fuck you! If I want to laugh then I'm gon-." Antonio glowered at Lovino and cut him off "For the love of god, Lovino; shut the hell up!" Gilbert, Lovino, even Francis all gasped, their mouths open trying to speak up but only causing themselves to look like a fish out of water, gasping for breath.

"F-fuck you, shithead! I'm going home, don't even think about coming home because you can sleep on the damn lawn, tomato bastard! 'I'm a good guy, I pay rent on time, I have a job, I promise to be the best roommate ever, I love you!' MY ASS!" Lovino screeched, the bartender looked up to see what all the commotion was about, once he saw it was only Lovino's bantering he shook his head and returned back to cleaning mugs and wine glasses like usual. Antonio jumped up and ran after Lovino whining a bit to him. "Lovi~! C'mon, I just wanted you to shut up!"

Francis winced. "Ooohhh...not a good thing to say, Toni..tsk tsk tsk!" He chuckled a tad bit before realizing the situation he was in then went straight back to frowning again. Gilbert growled, he grabbed Francis' shoulders and began shaking him back and forward rapidly giving Francis a slight headache. "Now listen here, Franny! I'm sick of you moaning and whining around like a little bitch! Now, are you going to let us help you with this problem or are you going to continue weeping pathetically?...Like your penis..." Lovino stopped his movement and let go off the rusted door knob to the front of the bar door, then looked back to see Francis' un-amused face then to Gilbert's cracking mouth. Brown eyes clashed with red; then they started laughing, _again. _"KESESESESESE! YOU GOTTA ADMIT THAT WAS A FUNNY ONE, TONIO!" Lovino nodded in agreement with Gilbert as he walked back over to him and gave him a high five. "Y-yeah! Even though you are still a potato b-baa-bastard, you're not as bad as your tight-assed brother! I still hate you though!" Lovino managed to say between chuckles and gasp for air.

Francis rolled his eyes dramatically and stared back at Antonio for help only to see that he was hiding his mouth behind his quivering hands and watering eyes. "W-what? Antonio don't you da-!"

"AHAHAHAA! THAT WAS PRETTY FUNNY, GIL!" Antonio screeched while holding onto a bar stool for support to keep him from falling to the ground. Francis sighed again for the thousandth time today and grimaced, he thought Antonio knew better than to laugh along with them. Francis quickly paid for his drinks, leaving a big tip as if apologizing for his 'friends' behaviour, grabbing his light jacket from the coat hanger and stomping angrily out the door, slamming it in the process to show his current attitude towards them at the time. The weather was gloomy here for California here in America, surprisingly. Usually it would be bright and sunny but today it was very cloudy, the sun barely shining its way through little holes in the clouds, it was warm but the harsh wind made it seem cooler than it really was.

Francis stopped in the middle of the narrow sidewalk to take out his flashy iPhone 5 from his pant pocket and dialed up someone totally unexpected; Canada. Francis knew under his little Mathieu's angelic face was a wild sex beast hidden under that fake mask of innocence, he was his 'son', he raised him for a bit, afterall.

"Allo, Mathieu."

"Francis? _Comment soyez_-"

"_Mon petit chou_...please...call me papa, we are far past formalities, _oui_? I am not feeling so well...is it alright if we met up somewhere down in this putrid city?"

"Of course Fr-...I-I mean..._papa? _Alfred! Get off me while I'm on the phon- _get off."_

Francis chuckled, those two haven't changed a bit. "_But, Mattie! You promised you'd play Call of Duty with me once you got off your flight, so, I'm not letting go of your leg till you get off the phone!" _Francis heard Alfred whine like a child in the background.

"Like I was saying, of course we can meet up! What time were you thinking?"

"Ah well...how about tomorrow around 5PM at that Starbucks Alfred always takes us to when we visit?"

"Sure, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"

"_Oui, _see you." Then Francis hung up his phone and slid it back into his deep pant pocket, letting out a frustrated sigh, running his hands through his un-groomed hair. He glared down between his legs, blaming his soft penis for everything.

_'You're so cruel to me..what did I do to deserve this?' _

**xXx**

**Woot woot, first chapter is done. YES! Hopefully this FrUK fanfic I've typed up will get more feedback than my other one? Reviews and constructive criticism is always welcomed. Please point of spelling, grammar, and other errors.**

**I want to apologize if Romano and Spain seem a little OOC, sorry. Also, Francis is supposed to be OOC here because...well..._you know. _I don't know where I'm going with this?I meant for this to be a One-shot but I didn't feel like typing it all into one chapter, and don't worry, Francis'..._cure_ will be in the next chapter. 'wink wonk'**

**-flees the scene- /)_(\**


	2. Chapter 2

**WOHA! So, I finally stopped being a lazy shithead and updated, yay! Arthur/England is only mentioned briefly in this chapter even though I said he'd appear more, I'm sorry! I really wanted to put him in this chapter more but I didn't want the story to move so fast so I just used this one up to continue going on about Francis'/France problem and a hilarious chat over the phone with Matthew/Canada. **

**WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER!: Starts off _very _steamy as soon as you begin reading, just a warning, also please know that I have NEVER EVER WRITTEN SMUT BEFORE SO I'M SORRY IF IT SUCKS! and a butt faced/slightly creepy Canada because it's funny.  
**

**Enjoy!**

**XxX**

_"Mhmm..Francis your thick French cock looks so tasty, I think a side of escargot would go nicely with it, don't you think?" Arthur moaned, looking Francis in the eye with his half-lidded emerald irises. Francis smirked down at Arthur and placed one of Arthur's hands on the base of his warm cock, groaning loudly when Arthur squeezed it from the hilt to the tip of his leaking member, smearing some of the warm pre-cum around with his thumb. He began to stoke his manhood painfully slow, teasing Francis with a few flicks of the tongue to add to the slow torture. Francis' hands found their way into Arthur's dirty blonde hair, gripping it tightly, trying to force Arthur to take him into his mouth. Arthur pulled back and winced when Francis' grip only got tighter on his hair, pulling some strands out of it in the process. He glared at Francis and swatted his hands away from his head and wagged his finger at him. _

_"Nu uh uh, Francis...you have to let me move at my own pace so be patient, you horny little Frenchman." Arthur scolded playfully with a wink. Francis watched as Arthur steadily moved his mouth toward his throbbing erection with his mouth wide open and small tongue out...any minute now..then...Arthur began to..disappear? _

_What the hel-_

Francis jolted up straight a little to quickly, making him slightly dazed and confused for only two seconds. 'That was a dream...?' Francis asked himself in his mind, scratching the back of his head with a look of pure confusion written all over his face. This confusion only lasted a short minute as he noticed he was very...'stiff' in his lower regions. "Merde!" Francis cursed under his breath, he threw his black comforter off of his body, and when he tried to move it was extremely painful.

"Ughh..." Francis groaned. "You picked the wrong time to come to life, and about _Arthur_? What the hell? and of course it was a dream, Angleterre _hates _escargot and any kind of food that is French!" He hissed, this had to have been the biggest erection he'd ever had. There was no way Francis had a wet dream about Arthur and liked it...impossible, he was going to prove that Arthur was not the cause of his cock suddenly standing tall and coming to life. Francis closed his tired eyes began to think about some of the attractive women in the porno he occupied himself with the night before; he immediately lost his hard-on, it went totally limp. Francis, for the first time in a long time, blushed a bright red and let a few french curse words slip from his pink lips. He was thinking about this too much and he had to get ready for the day, those papers weren't going to do themselves he thought with a grimace. Francis hopped out of bed and waddled over to his bathroom awkwardly, swinging the white wooden door open with more force than necessary and setting down the outfit he had planned out for the day on his onyx toilet seat. He gave one quick glance in the mirror and screeched at the top of his lungs like a woman in distress, had his hair always been this fuzzy and dry!? He ran his pale fingers through his once golden locks, now sort of a light pastel yellow color, he whimpered as his middle finger got caught in a huge naught in the middle of his head, damn it all!

"I cannot believe I was walking around looking like this for the past two weeks...disgusting!" Francis growled, now angry at not only his flaccid cock, but how he really let himself go for the past weeks. Francis let out a dry chuckle and put his hands on the edge of the porcelain sink, closing his eyes and counting slowly to ten to help calm himself down before he accidentally broke something valuable and possibly regretting it later.

"six...seven...ei-" _ring ring ring! _Francis' counting was interrupted midway by the annoying ringing of his iPhone 5, he growled under his morning breath and angrily answered it without even checking to see whom it was that called this time of day. "What is it? It's nine in the morning and my hair is a mess, so make this conversation quick, for Christ sake!" There was a long pause and nervous breathing through the other side of the phone, Francis let the scowl on his lips get deeper, assuming that the silence and creepy breathing over the other line was the work of a sick perverted stalker.

"Umm...hello-"

"SCREW YOU FRANCIS! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I ACTUALLY TRY TO DO SOMETHING NICE FOR YOU, HORNY FRENCH BASTARD!" Ah, of course it was his little Angleterre, Francis' previous mood turned into a positive one at the sound of Arthur's alluring British accent, a sly smirk now settling on his dry lips. "My apologies, Arthur, I did not check the Caller ID when I picked up the phone..how are you?" Francis asked in more soothing tone, glad that it wasn't Prussia or Spain, it'd take him a while to get over his grudge with those two assholes.

Francis heard Arthur huff over the phone. "W-well...I heard about y-your erm..._problem._" At that moment Francis dropped his phone and screamed out a few French, Spanish _and _German profanities at the white ceiling; who told Arthur about his 'problem'!? "Hello? Francis, are you there?" He rolled his baby blue eyes and picked up his phone from out the damp sink and sighed into it while rubbing his throbbing temple with his free hand. "Listen, Arthur, I am fine, ok? Do not worry about _moi_, I will talk to you later, goodbye." Before Arthur could begin complaining to him over the phone, Francis hung up quickly to spare his poor eardrums. His annoying French ringtone sounded off again while he was in the process of taking off his bedtime clothing, irritating him to no end. This time, Francis was smart enough to look down at the Caller ID; it was Matthew, that instantly put a big, genuine smile on his pale face.

"_Allo? _Fra-.._Papa_? Are you alright?" Matthew was still trying to adjust to the whole 'Papa' thing, Francis could tell too.

"Of course not! Who told eyebrows I was impotent!? It wasn't you, was it? Oh _non, mon petit _why would you do that to your pap-."

"It was not m-...wait..._what?_" Matthew breathed out unevenly, Francis' problem was that he was..._impotent?_ Oh dear...Matthew felt the corners of his small lips slightly twitching upwards.

"Well, who told him? I'm waiting for an answer, _cher._" Francis ran his shaking hands through his pale hair again, those damn naughts were everywhere! Still waiting on an answer from Matthew, Francis began to search around his large bathroom for a brush and hair care products, he had to do something about this birds nest on top of his head before it got worse and decided to lay eggs. Matthew finally got out of his shocked state and shook his head to get himself back together, he knew Francis was very impatient when it came to knowing something that had to do with him.

"So..your problem is that...you.._'cant get it up'_?" He replied timidly, not wanting to upset the other Nation more than he already was at the time. He heard a sharp gasp over the phone and the sound of many bottles, what he assumed were hair care products or cooking spices, fall to the tiled flooring.

"Matthew! Do not call it that! Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for me? You probably have a dirty smirk on your cute little face right now, silently laughing at me, aren't you?" A whimper. "No one understands how hard this is for me!" Francis screeched over the phone, now sitting on the edge of his porcelain tub hugging a bottle of garnier shampoo and rocking back and forward like a maniac from the mental asylums.

"...In this situation, I don't think anything is hard right now..."

Francis gasped again and dropped the bottle he was holding, clutching the fabric above his heart dramatically. "_Sacre Bleu, __Mathieu! _How could you make fun of your papa like that? Y-you...-" Francis calmed himself down and let go of the death hold he had on his shirt before continuing. "I see..well then, I guess I will go to someone else for help, seeing as you think this is funny just like everyone else, goodbye."

"Aw c'mon, Francis! You have to admit that it is kind of funny! YOU, Francis Bonnefoy, who has slept with probably half of the citizens in France; impotent! I know this is a serious situation right now but you need to calm yourself down first, ok? You're never going to fix this problem of yours if you don't let yourself laugh about it first, alright! Now...are we still on for Starbucks or are you going to continue being a PMS'ing bitch?"

Francis had to tighten his grip on his iPhone to make sure it didn't slip out of his sweaty hands out of pure horror when he heard Matthew, _his Matthew _use such language! "Matthew! You have such a dirty little mouth now, why haven't I noticed this earlier? Maybe you should try cleaning it out with a little bit of French cock, _non_?"

"What? Ew no, you just told me to call you papa and now you're trying to get me to suck your limp dick, you sick incesteous bastard! Look, do you want to still have that talk at Starbucks or not?" Francis could tell Matthew was getting impatient with him so he decided to stop playing around before he gets beaten to a pulp by a heavy wooden hockey stick.

"Ahaha, of course, of course! I was just trying to lighten up the mood,_ oui_?" Francis heard a loud, obnoxious snort over the speaker.

"Yeah, whatever...you better be there or else." Matthew threatened.

Francis raised an un-plucked, thin blonde eyebrow at that. "Or what? Are you going to smother me to death with pancakes and maple syrup?" Francis asked in a jokingly tone, Matthew would never do something like that to him, right?

"Maybe, but I was thinking about smothering you with just the Maple Syrup or getting Kumakiko to maul you to death, but good idea, Francis." Francis went paler than a ghost then sweat dropped as he laughed awkwardly into the phone, twirling his fingers around in his long blonde locks. "Y-you're joking right?"

"I don't know, am I?"

There was a long pause and all Francis could do at the second was quickly agree to meet up with Matthew like he said he would then hang up the phone and throw it back on his plush bed, who knew Canada could be so intimidating? Francis shooed the thought away, he started up a warm bath with scented rose body wash then shampooed and condition his hair with care for a little over an hour, thoroughly working out the naughts in his hair before hopping out and drying his dripping wet body off with a fluffy peach colored towel, one wrapped securely around his waist and the other wrapped snuggly around his dripping, damp blonde locks. Francis calmly made his way down his circular wooden-planked stairway and into his over-the-top kitchen getting some ingredients ready for the omelet he was about to create for his breakfast this morning, although the time was now 10:47 and breakfast time was apparently over. As Francis was cracking the Grade-A eggs expertly with ease, there was loud banging against his front door and obnoxious shouting to add along annoyingly with the banging noise, Francis only rolled his eyes again for the second time today, drying his egg-yolk covered hands off with a sherbet colored kitchen rag before skipping over to the door quickly so his 'guest' on the other side would stop abusing his 700$ door, he may only use this house when he had to visit America, but that didn't mean he wanted it in shambles when it would be time for him to depart back to his home country.

Francis put a lazy eye up to the tiny peep hole of the door, them almost bulging out of their sockets when he saw who it was standing outside his door tapping their foot to show how impatient they were getting due to Francis taking his sweet time getting his arse over to the damn door to finally open it and the light drizzle of rain to go along with the gloomy gray clouds covering the pale blue sky.

Francis only opened the door slightly so his eye could see through the crack and look fearfully up at the visitor standing in his doorway; Arthur. Arthur was clearly very upset, a bright red color of anger dusted over his cheeks and up to his small ears with his fist at his side shaking rapidly. Was Arthur upset with him? What did Francis do wrong? Francis continued to have a stare off with Arthur until Arthur knocked down the door with his brown polished snake skin dress shoes and stalked toward Francis until Francis' back met with the cold, white plastered wall, hissing at the coolness settling on his unclothed back. Arthur dropped that heavy looking pleather bag down to the floor, making a 'plop!' as it came in contact with the marble-tiled floor. He ran his hands through his hair, brushing the damp bangs that stuck to his face out of his emerald eyes then letting a conniving smirk settle on his small, bow-like lips, Francis gulped louder than he meant to, and yelped when Arthur's right foot slammed against the wall right beside his head, some of his blonde locks that fell loosely from under the towel he had wrapped around his head getting caught under Arthur's shoe, the white plastered wall was now sporting a large dent in the shape of Arthur's expensive shoe, Francis frowned deeply at that.

"A-arth-."

"That's England to you, pansy ass floral-panty wearing Frenchman." Arth- _no-England _growled, his face now dangerously close to Francis' even though his leg was still up against the wall, Francis had to give props to England for being so..._flexible. _

"Ahaha...Ar-.._England_, _cher, _what brings you to my humble home?"

"I heard your penis finally died, it's about time."

Francis gaped in horror at England and how he was treating him, what happened to the blushing, easily embarrassed Englishman he used to know a few days ago?, this new,..slightly demanding one was kind of shocking..and a little sexy too!

"A-ah...yes, if you would like to call it..'dead'., but that makes me very uncomfortable-."

"The only thing that is going to be uncomfortable is your sore ass after I get done with you." Francis' breathed hitched and he felt some...twitch in between his legs, oh no, not in front of England. Francis quickly slide under Englands leg and dragged his struggling figure out the door and back into the light rain; Francis could not do this right now, he needed to get in touch with Matthew as quickly as possible and tell him that England has lost his mind and tried to molest him. He slammed the slightly broken door in his face and locked all seven platinum silver locks quickly and ran back upstairs to get his mind off what just happened only a few minutes ago. He settled with some bland Japanese tentacle porn that Kiku sent him under someone elses name; Yong Soo, he knew it was Kiku because why in the world would _N. Korea _send him _tentacle porn_? The longer he stared at the screen listening to the woman scream out bloody murder at the intruding tentacles only made Francis' cock weep more, he was sure it died at the very moment the tentacles...'climaxed'. He tried watching the..'normal porn' which consisted of a busty, dim-witted blonde girl and and the 'macho idiot' player. Francis tried watching three others but it gave him a stomach ache and not a boner, by the time he _attempted _to watch the fourth one, he ran to the bathroom and vomited in the toilet, completely forgetting about his hair he let out of the towel a while ago, some of the foul substance making it's way onto the tips of his once clean hair.

Francis groaned and laid down on the shaggy rug in the middle of the bathroom floor, too lazy and exhausted to get up, also he didn't want to step foot back in his room because he could still hear the woman moaning fakely in the video, it made his stomach churn. He grew angry with himself for letting his hair get ruined once more, and letting a couple of 'bad' porno's make him upchuck last nights dinner.

'I need to call Canada again and see if he and I can meet up earlier, I don't think I'm going to make it for another seven hours in this house without speaking with someone.' Francis finally got his lazy ass off the icy tiled flooring and made his way back into his room to grab his phone off the bed, angrily unplugging the TV so the yelping woman would shut the hell up, everyone knew her moans were fake, the camera man even knew!

Francis picked up his phone and began to dial up Canada even though he did threaten to beat him to death only two hours ago, he just needed to get this problem off his chest and out of the way before Spain and Prussia permanently gave him the nickname 'Limp dick Francis'.

Gross.

**XxX**

**I'm still laughing at the 'limp dick Francis' thing and I'm not even sorry, lol. As you can see, Arthur thinks he is a sex god now xD. **

**Will it be UKFr or FrUK? DUNDUNDUNNNNNN!**

**Find out in the next chapter, and please remember to point out Spelling and other odd errors to me so I look like less of an idiot. ;D**

**Reviews and feedback make me extremely happy, and when I'm extremely happy I tend to update a lot faster than I usually do, just keep that in mind, -wink wonk-! **

**Till next time my loves! -Blows kisses to you all-**


	3. Chapter 3

**Woot woot, update! xD**

**WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Language, sex toys and a little dirty talk.**

**Please enjoy. u_u :)  
**

**XxX**

"He left a bag full of _what_?" Matthew asked in total disbelief and fake-interest at what he was hearing over the phone with Francis, poking at Alfred's slightly tubby stomach and giggling when Alfred blushed and whined, 'I'm trying!'. Francis was on his knees beside his toilet with a bottle of disinfectant spray, spraying the bile-smelling toilet with it constantly, nose wrinkled in utter disgust and eyebrows furrowed at the strong smell as he continued to chat with Matthew about all the 'interesting things' Arth- _England _had in the pleather bag that he had forgotten a few minutes ago on Francis' living room floor.

"I am telling you, Matthew, I seriously think it is a bag full of sex toys!" Oh god, just the thought of that bag possibly having naughty sex toys in it made Francis a little hot, shivering as he envisioned England using one of them on him and something twitching in between his legs against his will. Francis could practically _feel _the eye-roll Matthew made, "Are you sure it isn't just a bag full of...I don't know...tea and slightly burnt scones?" Matthew sighed louder than needed, now tugging on Alfred's gravity-defying piece of hair and smirking when Alfred moaned at the touch.

"Why would England bring over a bag full of tea and his non-edible cooking? He knows better than to bring any of that garbage he enjoys near me, and do tea or scones _vibrate_?" Francis whispered the last word sensually while he eyed the quivering bag that sat on the edge of his sink, biting his lip at the sight.

"Oh god..._vibrating_?" Matthew asked in horror, now suddenly very interested in the conversation he and Francis were holding at the moment, shoving Alfred off his lap and onto the other side of the coach, making Alfred glare at him as he stomped away angrily upstairs for being ignored but Matthew didn't seem to realize Alfred's problem and raging boner at all. "Bring the bag to Starbucks so I can see for myself, ok?"

"_Oui, oui_! It's been on for about twenty-four minutes now, I think I must of hit the switch or button when I dropped it by mistake, and _mon dieu _does that thing have a strong battery! I wish my vibrators lasted that long-"

"WOAH! TMI, Francis! There are some things that you should just keep to yourself, gosh!" Matthew's face was now slightly flustered with a light pink color, he may have grown up around Francis but he'd never get used to how horny he was all the time.

"_Quoi? _How is it 'TMI' or whatever the hell that means? Don't you have fantasies about Alfred using sex toys on you? Although, I'd rather have the real thing...roughly pounding into my tight virginal hol-"

"FRANCIS, STOP! HOW ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS WITH A STALE PENIS?!" Matthew shrieked in pure horror as he was now seriously considering calling the Starbucks meetup off now, this conversation with his past 'care taker' had taken an awkward turn and needed to stop immediately.

He heard Francis laugh that horribly _French _laugh, "I was just kidding and my penis is not stale!"

There was a long uncomfortable silence for only a few seconds.

"...Well, I wasn't kidding about the 'virginal hole' thing, Even though I look like I top most of the time, I take it up the ass occasionally too!" After confessing to that Francis heard the dial tone of Matthews phone and chuckled as he hit 'end' on the phone screen, his little Matthew was so sensitive! He put his phone down on one of the many shelves in his bathroom and went back to work on his oddly smelling toilet, spraying it over for a fourth time today, Francis liked a germ-free home and a little vomit was not going to ruin it now. After about fifteen minutes of harsh scrubbing to his toilet bowl, Francis finally got up off the floor and groaned in displeasure at the aching in his knees, cursing when the bones cracked as he stretched his long legs out.

'Hmm...what was I doing before England was here?...Ah, I was making breakfast!' Francis strolled back downstairs and got back to cooking up his breakfast, he frowned when he had to throw the egg yolk out because it got too warm for his liking, starting from scratch again, cracking the eggs and adding spices and other things to the mix to add more flavor to his liking. Half way through eating his delicious omelet Francis heard three light knocks, sounded more like bird pecks against his door, he growled in irritation and threw his silverware down onto the plate and stalked over to his front door and aggressively swung it open, revealing a pure white bird flapping it's wings rapidly as it advanced over to it's owner and made it's self comfortable on Francis' shoulder. Francis squealed girlishly and cupped the bird up in his hands, cooing at it in French.

"Pierre! I knew you'd be here when I needed you most! Tu es trop mignon*, Oui!" Francis snuggled his face up against the birds feathers and laughing when Pierre pecked his nose lovingly. Francis put the bird down on his coach and petted Pierre's head, but as he was walking away he noticed Pierre was in his face and cheeping loudly, Francis loved Pierre but the noises he made were indeed very annoying. He made a hush gesture with his finger, "Shh! Pierre, please none of that in the house!" but he just kept cheeping frantically and was that...worry Francis saw in his beady little eyes, weird.

Francis screamed when he crotch was pecked harshly by Pierre's rough bird beak, when he tried to shoo it away and walk around the bird it just proceeded to peck his crotch harder, did his bird know about his 'problem'? Impossible.

"Ow! Pierre, stop it right no- ouch! Enough- ow! Why do you keep doing that?" He yelped in anger, he grabbed Pierre and put him in his birdcage then locked it tight, his bird knew a little too much and it was scaring the living shit out of him that his bird knew so much about him.

Francis ran a hand through his hair and sighed, it was time for a nap he supposed. Francis went back upstairs slowly and flopped down onto his bed face-first, shifting his body so that he could get under the covers and get comfortable, closing his eyelids and letting the soothing sounds of the gentle spring breeze flowing lightly through his open window put him into a peaceful sleep.

**XxX**

_'Ring ring ring!' _Francis jolted out of his sleep when he heard the sound of his phone going off, he hopped out of bed and began searching for it quickly before remembering that he left it in the bathroom. He raced toward his bathroom and answered the phone by the 4th ring.

"_Allo?"_

"Francis! Where the hell are you? It's 6:18 and your horny ass isn't even here yet!" Oh shit, he checked the clock and it did in fact say 6:18 PM before flashing to 6:19. "_Désolé, Matheiu_, I was taking a nap and I didn't realize I was asleep for that long, give me 15 minutes and I'll be there in no time, ok?" Matthew huffed impatiently at him, "Yeah, whatever...hurry up and remember to bring the damn bag." Francis hung up his phone and quickly pulled an outfit together, a purple collared dress shirt with some black slacks and dress shoes, even if Francis was in a hurry he always made sure he looked good...excluding the past two weeks he walked around looking like hell.

"You're late, you said 15 minutes and you took 19 minutes, asshole." Matthew grumbled to Francis as he took a sip from his now coffee, grimacing at how it lost all of it's heat and turned cool. Francis took a seat across from Matthew, the table they were occupying was far away from the other customers but the glare of the sun shining brightly against Francis' face made it kind of annoying.

Francis shot Matthew a look of 'Are you kidding me?' and Matthew returned with a look of 'No I'm not, bitch'. "You owe me a new coffee, lifeless dick."

"Alright, alright, I will get you a new coffee and could you refrain from using the impotent jokes, I don't find them funny at all, _mon petit._" He growled as he set the still shaking pleather bag on top of the small circular table, Matthew raised an eyebrow at the bag and Francis could of sworn he saw about 5 different emotions flash over his face at one time.

"What the fuck, Francis?"

"...What?"

"Why is it still shaking?"

"Obviously because I didn't bother turning it off, if I did then I would have figured out what was in the bag without you!" Francis exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world while Matthew gaped and blushed in embarrassment, sinking lowly in his sink when people shot them both odd and confused looks at the bag. Matthew slapped the bag off the table with the back of his hand swiftly then slapped Francis lightly in the face. Francis was about to retaliate but the sound of the vibrating got louder, stopping him from slapping Matthew back and glancing down at the rapidly shaking bag on the brown tile.

"Ohmygod, Francis turn it off!" Matthew yelped in panic louder than he meant to, drawing attention from the cashier and an angry fat lady sitting seven tables away from them. Matthew almost, _almost _pissed himself when the manager advanced over to him and Francis' table, his confused eyes laying on the moving bag on the ground. Francis quickly bent over and swiped the bag off the ground and ran into the woman's bathroom on mistake, making a few women inside scream and scold at him yelling, "Ew, pervert-alert!" and "Get out of here, pervert, go jackoff somewhere else!"

"My dick wouldn't stand tall for you even if you were a famous porn star!" Matthew flinched as he heard a loud 'Smack!', throwing Francis a vicious glare as he sauntered back over to the table, even though his left cheek had a bright red print in the shape of a small hand. The manager had a blank look on his face, he excused himself from the two and literally ran into the back, getting away from the two as quickly as possible.

The two sat in their seats looking at each other timidly before busting into laughter at how stupid the situation they were just in was and how they scared the hell out of the manager. Their laughter died down after a few minutes, Matthew nodded towards the _still _shaking bag, giving Francis the 'go' to open the bag. Francis licked his dry lips and slowly unzipped the bag, Matthew waited patiently to get some sort of response or reaction out of Francis but Francis' face was covered up by the bag making it hard for him to see his face. When Francis finally lifted his face out of the bag, his entire face was practically red from his cheeks to his ears but he had a big sensual smirk on his face and his eyes were half-lidded.

"...Wel-"

"Oh, Matthew...Eng-," Francis quickly corrected himself because they were out in public now. "Arthur has all my favorite things in here! He even has a cock-ring! Who knew Arthur could be so kinky? Ohonhonhon~!" Matthew was blushing a little too as he face palmed in embarrassment because he thinks about half of Starbucks heard Francis say 'cock-ring'.

"Er...Francis, I have a question for you." Francis took his attention away from the bag and gave Matthew a boggled look.

"Ok, ask away, _mon peti-_"

"Does thinking about Arthur make you hard?" He asked so bluntly than Francis almost dropped the whip he was holding in his hand.

"W-what? Why do you need to know tha-"

"Because, I think Arthur might be the cure to your limp penis."

"_E__xcusez-moi? _That is ridiculous-"

"Does he give you the hots or not? Just answer the damn question, Francis!" Matthew was growing impatient with Francis and how he kept trying to avoid the question, he still hadn't gotten his coffee and he would never be able to step back into this Starbucks without feeling embarrassed and ashamed because of the previous events that happened here today.

"W-well...," Francis' blush got deeper which surprised Matthew because it was always rare to see him blushing so openly. "..._Oui._" If this were a cartoon there would be a glowing light bulb hanging over Matthews head as he got the perfect idea.

"Now that we've got an answer...I think it's time we get to work, hmm? Beginning operation: 'Limp dick no more'!" The look Matthew was giving Francis made him squirm uncomfortably in his warm seat.

"_Oh mon dieu_..._'Limp dick no more'_? Maybe I should have stuck with Gilbert and Antonio instead..."

**XxX**

**-_- I should have updated this like three days ago, and I have no excuses as for I was being lazy again...sorry? :D **

**I apologize if anyone doesn't like Canada's personality but I just don't like him being a quiet pushover all the time. :X**

**Translations: *Tu es trop mignon= You are so cute/adorable.((Thank you very much, bouquiner7 for correcting my mistake! :D)) Désolé= Sorry. Mon Dieu= My god ((If I got this wrong please correct me.))**

**Please leave a review or some kind of feedback, they make me happy! **


	4. Chapter 4

**I am a terrible person and you all should hate me but I hope you don't because I still love you all and that's why I finally came up with a good Chapter and updated, yay?**

**WARNINGS: Sex/sex toys/dirty talk, language, and a little bit of smexy times at the end. -wink wonk- **

**Please like this, leave a review(they make me happy)or else I might qq 5ever.((That means cry forever if you didn't know.))**

**Ok seriously, enjoy.**

**XxX**

"Francis, you're being ridiculous now, why wouldn't Arthur want to help you when he came to your house with a bag full of sex toys?" Matthew groaned out loud, Francis was being a whiny bitch and he's had to deal with it for two weeks or so, after they came back from the Star Bucks they were rudely informed that they were never to step foot back into that Cafe again, now Matthew has been stuck with cheap Coffee mix he bought from Wal-mart.

Francis, on the other hand thought Matthew was being totally un-supportive of him and his problem, one minute he says he is here to help, then he is telling Francis it's 'not his problem'. _'One would think_ _he is the one with the problem and not me..he whines more than I do.._'. Francis complained in his mind, or so he thought he did, but when he received a harsh glare from Matthew he flushed lightly and scolded himself for thinking he was talking in his mind when he was actually talking out loud, that was a little problem Francis has had ever since he first came into existence, he has slipped up on many occasions with that 'thinking out loud' habit of his and it's gotten him into a lot of trouble with many, many people, especially including his boss. Francis began biting his nails as he read the daily Newspaper that adorable little paper boy delivers every Sunday, the G-8 meeting kept getting postponed because America was 'upset' over who knows what, Francis has been in America for far enough and he was ready to go back to his home.

It was drop-dead silent besides the flipping of Newspaper pages and Matthews polite slurps whenever he took a sip from his mildly-hot beverage and the click of a mouse as Matthew browsed through Google in search of Impotent cures, so far, the only thing he has came up with is; Arthur, of course. Matthew didn't know why Francis was doing his best to avoid Arthur because of his current predicament, it wasn't like he could avoid him or anyone else forever, though. The G-8 meeting is tomorrow((or so he thinks it is, Alfred was probably still angry at him)) and Francis was still being a clammy hermit and blaming his limp penis for every mishap that happens to come upon him, yes, including yesterday when he bumped his pinkie toe on the edge of his expensive leather sofa legs. Matthew remembers what happened clearly and snickered at the memory of Francis glaring at his crotch screaming, 'Why do you always have to ruin everything for me? Stop taking over my sex life!' Whilst sipping his Coffee his laughter got the best of him and he snorted, spitting out some of his Coffee by mistake while the other half of the liquid came out his nose, gross!

"Shit...my computer screen is dirty now..." Matthew wailed, rapidly wiping the liquid off of his once clean computer screen with the sleeves of his red hoodie, cursing himself when it stained the bright red with a few splotches of dark brown Coffee. Francis heard Matthews cry and wrapped the Newspaper up, setting it on the coach then stalking towards the Kitchen to see what Matthew just whined about.

The only time Francis ever had to deal with a dirty computer screen was when he was, 'Indulging in the many pleasures of porn', sometimes he got a little too excited and...well you know...'paints' the computer screen by accident, nothing a little bleach and wet wipes can't handle, of course. So, he was assuming Matthew was jerking off to porn and blew his load all over his computer screen, it made Francis furious! How dare Matthew indulge in the many pleasures that is porn knowing Francis couldn't, that asshole! Without even thinking or bothering to assume the situation was something different and far less vulgar, Francis angrily stomped into the kitchen, he only got angrier when Matthew paid him no mind, still focused on the hideous stains that ruined his favorite hoodie.

Francis grabbed a giant pot and got ready to throw it on the ground to make some noise to get Matthews attention but then realized this was one of his pricey 700$ stainless-steel pots and decided to grab a cheaper one instead, he didn't want to ruin his nice things just because Matthew was being a dick. He settled with his slow-cooker, which cost twice as much as the pot but he never used it anyways, and threw it with not too much force, denting it would only get his mood down more. The loud, ear-splitting sound of the slow-cooker startled Matthew, he grabbed a hold of his laptop in a protective manner and stared and Francis with wide eyes and obvious confusion.

Matthew saw Francis' glare and only glared back, if this was how Francis was going to deal with his issues then Matthew was getting the hell out of here, since he didn't have a house in America, he usually settled in with Francis until the meetings were over but Francis was starting to scare him with his frustration, maybe he'd go chill with Ismael until Francis got over his problem, share a smoke, eat ice-cream and complain about all the stupid things his boyfriend, America did, not that he minded though, it was cute when America acted silly.

"Ahem!" An obnoxious, and obvious fake cough shook Matthew from his wandering thoughts, he shot a glare to Francis and almost had a heart attack when he realized how close Francis was in his face, scooting his chair back a little to give himself some breathing room.

"Francis? Why are you throwing shit around like some pissy hormonal pregnant woman? Chill out..."

Something inside Francis snapped.

"Chill out? You want me to '_chill out_'? When you've been watching Porno videos in my house knowing what I'm going through right now, and in my _kitchen _at that!" It was Matthews turn to snap.

"_Excuse me? _I have not, N.O.T, not been watching porn! I've got a boyfriend for that! Just because you're being paranoid and delusional because of your weak penis does not mean you have to accuse me of things I'm not doing!" Francis gaped at Matthew, he was offended he would actually raise his voice like that to him!

"Oh really? Then why were you complaining about your screen earlier? I heard you mumbling about how your screen got 'dirty', screens don't just get dirty out of the blue!" Matthew felt himself calming down slowly, his shoulders instantly relaxed as he threw his head back and began laughing at Francis. He thought he _came _all over his computer screen? That is just disgusting!

Francis' harsh glared only intensified when Matthew began to chortle loudly at Francis' confusion. "F-F-Francis...I wasn't watching porn on the computer and I did _not _come all over my computer screen, I spilled my coffee all over it, you twisted psycho!"

Francis felt like an idiot. "A-ah...you were not, o-of course...I apologize for being so stupid...this whole 'impotent' thing is making me more and more frustrated as the days continue on! I can't keep living like this, Matthew! It's not healthy...just..just please, help me out?" The actual sincerity in Francis' voice startled Matthew a bit, he got up and smiled gently at Francis, closing his wet laptop first then gave him a few friendly pats on the back as he guided Francis back upstairs and into in his bedroom. He violently shoved Francis into the edge of the mattress, his knees gave out from all the force and he flopped back onto the bed.

Francis laid on his side with his elbow propping him up and other arm lazing to his side and smirked seductively up at Matthew with a wink.

"Oh...trying to seduce me, are you?" Matthew had to hold the urge to punch the shit out of Francis and giving him a black eye, instead of using violence he just gave Francis an un-amused stare and waited for Francis to stop smirking at him like a creep before stating his plans.

"Francis, where is _the _bag?" Matthew put a large emphasis on the word 'the' to let Francis know what bag he was talking about, but that only caused him to get a boggled expression from Francis, tilting his head to the side like a confused, innocen-..._almost innocent _puppy, this is Francis we're talking about here. It took Francis a few seconds before hopping off the bed and going under it to pull out the same pleather bag they were talking about or as Matthew liked to call it, 'the bag' and throwing it on the bed.

"You mean..._'the' _bag?" Matthew rolled his violet eyes and nodded stiffly at Francis.

"Yes, that's _'the' _bag I am talking about, obviously." Francis gasped at him and pouted, "No need to get so snippy, _dieu._" Francis grumbled under his breath, receiving yet another glare from the Canadian. "Are you done complaining now?" Francis crossed his arms childishly and looked in the other direction then answered, "Maybe..."

"Pfft, whatever. Now listen, I want you to get off to the thought of Arthur pounding you into the mattress, _D'accord_?" He stated bluntly, almost too bluntly making Francis choke on the very air in the room. Franicis glanced at the bag then back to Matthew, "Are you serious? You want me to use these..._things _on _moi_?"

"Umm yeah, that's kinda the plan." Matthew shot him a bored expression and turned around heading towards the door, trusting Francis to finally get down to business.

"W-wait! Matt-"

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS UNHOLY, YOU'RE GOING SHOVE THAT FAKE DICK UP YOUR ASS AND YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING ENJOY IT WHILE THINKING ABOUT THAT SHORT-TEMPERED ENGLISHMAN, GOT IT?!" Francis winced and covered his ears at Matthews irritated screeching, he could of sworn his eardrums busted at that very moment.

"_Oui Oui!_" Francis agreed quickly with him, deciding that trying to discuss this plan with Matthew would get him no where and that it was totally pointless. Matthew sighed in relief and mumbled something about 'going to go smoke off his steam with Cuba.' or something on those lines before slamming the door close, some of the picture frames tilting slightly from the shear force of the slam. Francis shrugged and eyed the bag with a mixture of uncertainty and a dash of horny, might as well give it a shot.

Francis then closed and eyes and began to think of the very words Arth-_England _said to him the very day he tried to molest him in the company of his warm home.

'_The only things that's going to be sore is your ass after I get done with you.'_ Francis felt his limp cock twitch lightly in his pants; that was sad. Just the mere thought of being fucked until your ass was very sore was turning Francis on like no tomorrow. Francis held back a groan as he fingered his soft nipples through the thin fabric of his white button-up shirt, pinching and rubbing them until they grew hard under his touch. He accidentally let a low moan as his pinched one of his nipples a little _too _hard, I mean hey, who said anything about Francis not liking a little pain?

He could feel his erection coming to life, straining inside his designer brown slacks with the thought of England invading his mind, and oddly; he was on the bottom. Francis grimaced at the thought of him bring on the bottom with England, he deserved to be on top, dammit! So why couldn't he get the image of himself being pounded into the floor by England off his mind?

"_Merde!*_" Francis half-screamed when he tried to grope his erection through his pants, he was so turned on it was _painful. _He heard footsteps coming up the stairs because it sounded like someone was stomping in heavy leather boots, almost. Francis did his best to ignore the noise it as the sound grew closer and closer, he couldn't really hear himself think because of his highly escalated moans that were now on full volume, bouncing off the thin walls of his bedroom. All of a sudden, the sound stopped, and if Francis was correct, whoever that was stomping around like they owned something was right in front of his very bedroom door.

He didn't want to stop, he really didn't want to stop groping himself through his now, tight pants, but...whoever that was standing outside his door was making him increasingly uncomfortable and he couldn't focus on his raging boner any longer. Francis waited two more minutes for the intruder to make a peep but so far; nothing. He let out a long pathetic whine and removed his hands from the front of his trousers and away from his nipples that were begging to be touched and played with further. Sluggishly, he got out of his comfortable bed and slowly paced himself over to his bedroom door, hesitating for a moment when he gripped the golden handle. He shook off the feeling or worry or concern as to who could be standing behind his very door, it simply couldn't be Matthew, Francis heard Matthew leave out the front door when he got disgusted with Francis' wanton moans a few minutes after he left Francis to do his 'business'.

What if it was a burglar that was stealing his things? Heavens, no! Francis felt himself get slightly soft at the thought of getting robbed while trying to get off in the comfort of his home. He carefully let the door open, just a small crack so he could see who his 'visitor' was...

"Arthur?" Francis blinked a few times rapidly and slapped himself twice to see if his eyes weren't playing any mind-bending tricks on him; it wasn't. He regretted slapping himself in the face, that stung, and he scowled when Arthur chortled at his innocent idiocy.

They stayed staring at each other for three minutes straight before Arthur loss the little patience he had, quirking a large eyebrow at Francis, smirking seductively and making Francis almost have an orgasm on the spot.

"Well?" Arthur asked curiously, Francis could smell the enticing minty flavor of cheap American gum on his breath, drawing him in closer until the let go of the door, letting it creak open slowly and lip-locked with Arthur.

The kiss was needy, hungry and animalistic, to a point. Hard teeth clicking and clacking together, tongues slipping and swirling together in a unforgivable dance. They were both breathing hard through their noses as their tongues fought for lead in this sensual sway. Soon enough, they both needed air, and broke apart slowly before groping at each other in a barbaric manner, Francis yelped as Arthur nipped at his neck damp with sweat and the pleasant taste of ripe pomegranate perfume that stung at his sensitive taste buds.

Things were moving far too fast for Francis and his wobbly knees were about to give in under him, he pushed Arthur off of his neck that was now littered with bright red love-bites, or in this case, hate-bites, and glared at him for his impatience.

Arthur frowned and snarled at Francis, taking a fist-full of gorgeous honey-kissed blonde locks and tugging them back harshly until Francis was on his knees, panting heavily in front of his crotch. Francis did not like being treated like a dog and punched Arthur in his stomach, making him fall to his knees as well, gripping at his sore stomach and coughing as the wind was nearly knocked out of him.

"What the hell is your problem, arsehole!? I'm trying to help your sorry ass! This is why I didn't want to come over when Matthew called me about you, sodding git!" Francis rolled his blue irises and shoved some of his hair behind his ears that was getting in his face.

"_Non, _that is not the problem, Arthur. I just wanted you to stop being so dominant like you're going to top or something." Francis had to hold back a chuckle when Arthur's face twisted in disbelief; he had not just been insulted by this French pansy! Arthur cuffed Francis up until he was standing and slammed him into the nearest wall, causing his already tilting picture frame of little Matthew to finally fall off the wall and clatter to the ground.

"Who said _you _were topping?" Arthur scowled, That time, Francis let himself laugh as freely as he wanted as if Arthur had just told a hilarious joke.

"Well..you see, _mon petit putain*, _I said_ I_ was topping, understand, _Arthur_?" Arthur couldn't help but chuckle at Francis for a moment before putting on a straight, serious facial expression.

"No, _I'm_ topping, by the way, it's _England _to you, bastard."

"..._Non, I'm _topping."

There was an intense stare off between sky blue and emerald eyes before they both said simultaneously,

"_Prove it._"

**xXx**

**NARHAHAHAR NO SMUT FOR YOU IN THIS CHAPTER! -trolololololo song- I CAN'T WRITE GOOD SMUT SORRY, ADHSADJLKASK! First off I would like to apologize for not updating, I've been really busy with my grades and SOL testing so I had to stay away from writing any Fanfiction for a while. Also, this will be my first time writing smut so I was really confused and stuck on to how I would get this going and writers block got the best of me. **

**TRANSLATION(S):**

**_mon petit putain*: _****My little whore**

**_Merde!*: _****Shit!**

**((Pretty please tell me if I got these translations wrong so I can correct them ASAP, please!)) **

**Go on, you all can hate me but I still love you and that's all that matters! ;W;**

**Next chapter will be the last, promise not to be a late-updating butt this time, promise! You will get your smut in the next chapter, until we meet again! -smooches your flustered cheeks- uwu**


	5. Chapter 5

**Oh god. I am a liar, I said I'd wouldn't update late and I just did, soRRY GUYS! /3 **

**What did I just write? SJABJDAHJSMOIOI!? Please remember that this is my first time writing smut so I'm super sorry if it's horrible and uber awkward, forgive me.**

**Read the warnings oH GOD PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS!**

**WARNINGS!: W****eird ear play((cough)), dirty talk((lots of it)), cum shot, violence, rough gay smut and bottoming...well, you'll find out when you get the reading. ;)**

**Rating for this chapter: M**

**MATURE READERS ONLY PAST THIS POINT, UNDERSTOOD? ((please don't report, if you know you're not old enough then just leave, I don't want this taken down. kthxbye))**

**Please at least try to enjoy? ;W;**

**XxX**

Another swift punch was aimed at Francis' jaw, making the sound of the aching bone settled there 'crack' as the fist collided with his face. Francis could only gape at Arthur as he was knocked to the ground, not even caring to realize that his white button-up shirt was being unbuttoned quickly by a silently cheering Englishman. He only held on to his now, bruised purple jaw in shock; Arthur actually hit his _face_, his gorgeous face, how dare he! Arthur had told him no matter how many times they get into physically violent combat that he'd never hit his face since it was so _precious _to him, and he just did!

Francis finally noticed the shaking hands unbuttoning his shirt and roughly shoved Arthur's sweaty hands off of him, sliding away from his slowly approaching figure until his back and neck met with the side of the bed. They had been clawing at each other for a full on thirteen minutes now, not only was Francis exhausted, but his entire bedroom was in shambles because of Arthur not wanting to take responsibility and stay on the bottom where he belonged and his dick wasn't sure if it should be extremely hard or extremely soft.

"Francis? Why are you being so difficult? All you have to do is lay there like the slut you are and take it. Simple, yes?" Francis scoffed at him and begged to differ, it wasn't as 'simple' as he said it was, Francis barely bottomed and when he did, he always ended up on top in the end anyways because he always did it better! Francis slapped Arthur across the face and headbutted him, immediately regretting it when his forehead began to throb painfully but smirking when he saw Arthur stumble backwards and spit vulgar profanities under his breath.

Francis regained his balance as he stood up and lunged himself at Arthur full force, knocking them both down in the process and hurting Arthur again when the back of his head bumped against the floor, '_that had to hurt'_, Francis chuckled darkly. His chuckling was cut short when Arthur crashed their lips together, Francis' yelp of surprise turned into a delicious moan that went straight to Arthur's growing erection. The kiss was terribly sloppy because the both of them were trying to outdo each other, Arthur's removed his lips from Francis and grabbed his tongue between his lips and began sucking on it sensually.

"N-ngh, nnnh ba-basta-ah!" Francis mumbled, his hands shot up for Arthur dirty blond hair but they were slapped away instantly by Arthur's free hand while the other snaked down to his rump and squeezed it tightly making Francis yank his tongue away from Arthur's lips to escape him, running towards the bed to search through the comforter on his bed and under it. Francis searched the room in a panic, throwing the plush pillows off his bed in search for-

"Looking for this, dear?" Arthur snarled cockily, holding up the same pleather bag Francis was looking for in the first place. Francis froze in place, watching carefully as Arthur unzipped the bag unbearably slow, reaching inside, pulling out a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs. He twirled them around his finger playfully and fully circled around Francis a few times, loving the tent in Francis' slacks, it showed he was doing something right, for once.

Francis jerked violently when a hand came down swiftly to his behind but he still managed to keep his groan quiet, he didn't want Arthur to know this was a big turn on for him and that he was enjoying this, because he was most certainly not enjoying this, not at all, dammit! Francis' face only turned redder when Arthur's wet tongue flicked against the shell of his ear, sucking his earlobe and playing with the small diamond earring in it between his teeth.

Arthur enjoyed the way Francis' bottom lip quivered each time his tongue worked up and down the shell of his pink ear, Mmm...you enjoy having my tongue in your slimy french ears, don't you?" Francis scoffed in disgust but kept his calm composure with his hands at his side balled up into shaky fist.

Arthur's free hand began to rub up and down the Frenchman's heaving chest, pinching and rubbing Francis' sore, pink nipples until they hardened under his touch as he continued to toy in Francis' ear with his tongue, "You aren't resisting anymore, that's odd. Finally submitting, are you?" He said with mock disappointment, he knew Francis wanted to be bent over some random desk and pounded into oblivion, but he wanted to hear it from his dirty French mouth first, of course.

"Like hell I am!" Francis growled, grabbing the hand that held the weird handcuffs and latching one successfully around Arthur's boney wrist and pushed the shocked Brit down until he landed on his stomach on the bed, grunting when his hair was grabbed and yanked backwards. The glare Arthur was giving Francis could have burned a hole through every layer of the earth but Francis wasn't intimidated, oh no, it only fueled to the fire growing rapidly in his pants.

"You have ten seconds to get these damn cuffs off of me." Arthur warned calmly but only received a cocky chortle and an amused '_Non' _in response. He turned on his back in record timing and blinked up at Francis with fake innocence, "You know what, I understand my place now. So, please, fuck me?" He felt Francis' weight on him lessen but it wasn't enough to get his legs trapped underneath free.

'Well, here goes the last of my dignity.' Arthur thought grimly.

He whined childishly and bit his dry bottom lip, "How am I supposed to open wide for you if you're still on my legs, you twat? What is it? Do you want me to ride you?" He added at the end with a out of character flirtatious wink. Those kinky words immediately went to Francis groin and he lifted himself off of Arthur slightly, still cautious of him because by god was Arthur an excellent liar. Francis knew he made a horrible mistake when Arthur shot him a victorious smirk. Arthur's free legs latched around Francis' slim hips and with all the strength he could muster in his lower body he successfully managed to flip their positions with Francis now laying on the bed as Arthur sat triumphantly on top of his waist.

Arthur had took a moment to slow down his harsh breathing, looking down at the cuff still around his wrist he snarled at it in distaste, "Francis, give me the keys." Francis shot him a dirty glare and rolled his eyes, looking off to the side to ignore Arthur's irritating face. Arthur huffed, this was going to be more difficult than expected.

"Give me the keys or I will put the other cuff on you." He felt Francis tense up underneath him, jackpot. Francis slowly brought his eyes back up to Arthur's and shot him a challenging look, daring him to do so. Arthur hesitated for only a moment before shrugging and grabbing the other cuff and locking it tightly around Francis' right wrist, the look on Francis' face was priceless.

"What is wrong with you? Now we're both cuffed, you _rosbif_!" Francis screeched as he kept tugging at the handcuffs around his and Arthur's wrist.

"Give me the damn key and I'll unlock it."

"_Non._" Arthur could of sworn he felt a vain in his forehead pop when Francis still continued to refuse him. He leaned down till he and Francis were nose to nose and moved over to the other ear he hadn't messed with yet and stuck his tongue inside, sucking obnoxiously and making vulgar slurping noises with his mouth and saliva. Francis' mouth was agape, "Get your nasty tongue out of my ea-AHN!" He began to thrash around which only caused Arthur to use more saliva and slurp in his ear harder. As if the pleasurable, sexual tongue play with his ear wasn't torture enough; it began to tickle.

"Ahn-Ahaha-_NGG_!" Francis was confused with himself, he wasn't sure whether he should be moaning or laughing and it was irritating him to no end! Arthur laughed quietly in his ear and let his tongue swirl his around his earlobe before catching it into his hot mouth and sucking vigorously on it some more.

Francis' giggling was becoming shallow and there were already tears of uncontrolled laughter streaming down his flushed cheeks, all this laughing was making it hard to breath and his stomach began to hurt.

"Ah-ah-ah t-take the k-keYYs! They're in m-my baACK pocket, you bitch!" Francis roared between unsure moans and chuckles and heavy gasp. Arthur decided it was enough and stopped before Francis passed out on him from the lack of air, he gave one last flick of the tongue against Francis' ear and backed off, reaching inside Francis' pocket to produce a key with pink fuzz at the edge of it, why he bought these ugly ass handcuffs was a total mystery to him. Since his hands were in Francis' pants he got off of him after he un-cuffed himself and put the remaining cuff on Francis' free hand then tugged Francis' pants off and threw them over in some random corner, proceeding to do the same with his.

He smiled lecherously at Francis' unamused face as he removed the rest of his clothing until he was down to his orange boxers, Francis made a face of disgust, "Orange looks absolutely horrible on you." He complained and Arthur glared at him. "If you don't like the color orange on me then how about you remove my undergarments yourself?" To his surprise, Francis carefully lifted himself off of the bed so he wouldn't fall over due to his lack of hands at the moment and approached Arthur on his knees until his face was met with Arthur's rock-hard erection.

"W-well?" Arthur didn't mean to stutter, because he knew Francis was forward but, dear lord. Francis' teeth held on to the edges of his boxers and tugged them down with expertise, he ignored the 'Bloody hell, you well experienced whore!' Arthur shot at him under his breath and experimentally dragged his tongue along the slit of Arthur's hard on. Arthur groaned at the feeling of Francis' wet tongue on his throbbing appendage, and bucked his hips slightly at the wonderful sensation. The head of his dick slipped past Francis' lips and brushed against his teeth, Francis glowered up at Arthur and shot him a soul stealing glare before getting back to work, he didn't like being rushed when it came to giving blow jobs.

Francis opened his mouth and took all of Arthur inside, forcing himself not to gag as it hit the back of his throat. "Ah-ahn, fuck yes! Take more inside, dammit!" Francis moaned around his cock, feeling his erection grow painfully at the dirty talk, that was one of his sexual weaknesses. He pulled his head off of Arthur and started sucking up and down the sides of Arthur's cock, humming to add more pleasure for him. Arthur's hands found their way into Francis' hair, weaving through his soft, sweaty blond locks, gripping them painfully whenever Francis sucked him just right.

Francis' sucks and licks became sloppier as his jaw began to hurt, so he increased the suction of his blow-job. Arthur could feel his climax building up with each lick, suck and nibble, inching closer and closer until he could hold it no longer. Francis let out another surprised yelp when his hair was tugged harshly making him release Arthur's dick with a wet 'pop!' He was confused until he heard Arthur's ragged breath and the vulgar sound of Arthur jerking himself off, making odd yet sensual wet noises.

"S-shit, F-Francis, open your goddamn mouth, you wanker!" Francis shot an eyebrow up at him and obliged to his demand, opening his mouth wide and sticking his tongue out while giving Arthur a lustful stare, "If anything, you're the wanker here, you ignorant bastard!" He hissed, Arthur grit his teeth at the 'ignorant' comment but let it slide as he climaxed all of Francis' face. Francis jumped only slightly when the first shot of ropey come hit his cheek, the other on his eye, hissing as it stung, then the third one on his plump pink lips.

Arthur fell down to his knees and laid down flat on the floor next to a heavy breathing Francis who was still wiping the cooling come off of his face, turning his face towards him once he came down from his high and stood up once again on weak, shaky legs.

"Bend over the bed." He demanded, Francis shot him a 'Hell no' look stayed put where he lied on the cold tile. "Guess we're going to have to do this the hard way, hmm?"

"_Oui, _I guess we have to the- ARGH!" He grunted as he was grabbed by his hair and shoved on the mattress face first with his ass in the air. While Francis was stunned Arthur rummaged through 'The bag' and found the clear bottle of lube, and smiled fondly at it before stalking over to Francis and rubbing his hand over Francis' quivering hole. Francis 'eeped!' as a dry finger slid inside of him, "What are you doing!? Don't you have any lube with you, jerk?"

Arthur plunged his middle finger in deeper to make Francis be quiet for once in his lifetime, "Shut the fuck up, I'm in control here...I'll use the lube when I want." Arthur grunted impatiently, after a few more minutes of dry fingering to a silent, other than low grunts from Francis, Arthur withdrew his finger and finally opened the bottle of lube, squeezing some all over his fingers and his other hand, sticking two fingers in at once when his free hand stroked Francis' soft cock, making it hard again.

"What's this? Your cocks turning into a softy again? Can't let that happen again, you're supposed to be rock hard, you only find me attractive, right?"

"That may be true but that doesn't mean I want to be the bottom, you're a horrible top!" He growled, flinching when Arthur pulled out roughly, only to have cold, slicked up fingers to be pushed inside over again. He was about to complain but only a sharp moan escaped his damp lips,

"Engl_anddd- _ah!" Arthur smirked and jammed his fingers back into his sweet spot, producing another groan from Francis. After two more minutes of stretching Francis out, Francis grew tired of just having small fingers inside of him,

"Enough, lets just get this over with, please!" He whined. Arthur rolled his eyes and removed his fingers, applying a little more lube to his erect member before lining himself up with Francis' hole, pushing in slowly and hissing at how tight Francis still was even after all that stretching!

"Good lord, Francis. You're still tight-assed, I thought you'd be looser with you being a total whore and all." He chuckled, delivering a harsh 'slap!' to Francis' backside and licking his lips when Francis yelped in pleasure at the pain.

"I am not a whore and I don't bottom because I am a natural born top! You can't top-_ahnn!_" Arthur snapped his hips forward roughly until he was fully inside Francis.

"What was that? I can't-" He thrust in swiftly, making Francis throw his head back and let out a wanton moan again. "top? You say? How do you like this, you slimy slut?" Without warning, his member began sliding in and out of Francis over and over again. The arousing sound of slapping skin turned Francis on like crazy, he was literally screaming out in pleasure when Arthur began pulling on his hair and giving occasional slaps to his ass while still ramming into his backside.

"I-ah! r-really fucking hate you, asshole!"

"What was that, Francis? Yes, of course I'm in your asshole, how did you know?" He grunted sarcastically, biting his lip when Francis clenched around him on purpose, squeezing his dick in pain.

"Loosen up, will you!" Arthur growled and began yanking Francis' blond locks harder, pulling little strands out in the process and angering Francis further.

"Don't pull out my-_ah!_ hair, dammit!" He hissed when Arthur only pulled harder in response to show that he didn't give a damn about his request. Heavy breathing became heavier, Arthur and Francis could feel their climax coming and Arthur didn't want to finish before Francis, that showed weakness and Arthur was not weak he used to be a bloody pirate for goodness sake! He reached under Francis and grabbed his hard cock, pumping it quickly and using the pre-cum he produced to make his hand fist Francis' dick faster, chuckling when Francis began whimpering louder at him.

"Ah ah! _Oui, oui, _harder! Fuck me harder, dammit!" And Arthur happily complied, rubbing his cock faster and thrusting harder into Francis' tight hole. "Mmh, that's it Francis, cum you greedy cock-slut!"

"Arth-" He cut him off by correcting him,

"That's_ England_ to you, dumb ass!"

Francis rolled his eyes and nodded quickly at him and corrected himself, "_E-England_, I can't! I can't! I'm gonna-" Arthur only pounded into him faster as Francis groaned out that he was ready.

"T-then come, you idiot!" Francis buried his face in the sheets and yelled into them as he came, hot white squirts of hot cum shooting out to the sheets below them, his sweaty legs quivering so much they gave in under him. Arthur let go of Francis' member and slammed into him one last time before coming deep inside of Francis.

"B-bloody hell, so good!" He then fell on top of Francis' sweaty form, now too weak to move because of all the energy and movement fucking cost.

"I-I love you, git...if you were having a problem with your stupid penis then why didn't you come to me instead of suffering and roaming around like some dolt?" He was curious to know, Francis always came to him when he needed release, so why didn't he come to him about this? What a wanker!

"I hate you..." Francis mumbled into the sheets moodily, receiving a chortle from Arthur,

"Sure you do, but at least your dick loves me. Also, you have to love me, you aren't running off to anyone else anytime soon unless you want to go sexless for the rest of your miserable French life, hmm?" Francis chuckled beneath him and gave him a weak smile,

"Oui?

"Wee." Francis grimaced at Arthur's accent when he 'attempted' to speak French, horrible! "Je'taime, asshole."

"Whatever. I love you too, limp dick Francis." Francis' eyes went wide and he gaped at what Arthur just said.

"How did you find out that stupid nickname? It wasn't Spain and Prussia was it?" Arthur shot up a large eyebrow at him and chortled at Francis' confusion.

"Of course it was those two..I helped come up with it, after all." Francis whined in annoyance at him and tried to shake Arthur off of his back, it was really hot and his body was tuckered-out.

"I am going to chop your damn eyebrows off."

"Sureee you will." He rolled over off of Francis and pulled him into a tight embrace from behind.

"Arthur?"

"What is it now, Francis?"

"...I'm still horny..." Arthur grew stiff beside him and shrugged,

"...Ok?" He let out a yelp as Francis pinned him to the damp bed and smirked lecherously at him,

"I'm topping this round."

"WHO SAID WE WERE HAVING ANOTHER ROUND? FRANCIS DON'T YOU DARE- _Ahhnn!_"

**xXx**

…**.I have no excuses for the super late update, I've had this chapter done like two weeks ago but I was afraid to post it because this was my first time with smut and I apologize if it kind of dragged on... don't hate me I love you guys! uWu **

**Any errors shall be fixed later on..**

**Please leave feedback and tell me how I did? That would be lovely!**

**I hope you enjoyed this FrUK story, stay tuned for the next one I shall be posting very ****_very _****soon, love ya! -Kisses your cheeks- 3**


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